Discover_

So I've had three big thoughts in my brain for a week or so, and now I lost 'em all. Great.

Is greed the state of wanting more than what you have, of wanting what you can't have, or of wanting something and being determined to get it at any cost? Interesting thought. I'm not entirely sure, myself.

I saw a church sign the other day that caught my attention. I still don't know what I think of it. It said: Jesus- his life changed death, his death changed life. What do you think?

I still can't remember the other one.

Uhm.

Oh yeah. Protective parents. Try not to think of them as babying you, so much as them loving you enough to try to keep them safe. There was more, but I forget it.

This is a stupid post. But, this is how my disjointed brain works. Now you know.

Also, I really am adekkted. I've been having Circle dreams >_<

Short post cos I'm already way overtime on ye olde internet.

First, Samara's doing pretty well. Still researching stuff. Still waiting for her to come home. I've had a cold the last few days and haven't been able to visit. Getting better, should be able to visit by tomorrow.

I finished the Circle trilogy. Awesome books, but my tear ducts are broken, I'm sure. I didn't cry once, but I should have several times. Weird.

And now my rant. I'm really angry at Dad. TWO YEARS ago, he said he would get me the Abeka curriculum instead of this retarded Switched-On Schoolhouse thing I have now. Two years. I have learned almost nothing in that time, formal edumacation wise. I've learned heaps from all my friends and all the research I've done and all the writing on Disciples of Elyon and MyPraize (I would put a thing in there about how you should join them, but I think all my readers are already members lol), but noo, he wants me to do the formal work. Never mind that it drives me crazy. Never mind that I actually can't do the schoolwork because the only computer that works won't run the idiotic program. Never mind that the work makes no sense and is highly illogical. And that it often marks me wrong when I know I'm right, my paren'ts know I'm right, and the flippin calculator knows I'm right. I really hate that program. They only use it because it's easier. If they give me that, they don't have to mark my work, assign projects or essays, or do anything. Just me and the computer.

Did I mention I hate that program?

Also, my best subject was always Bible, but I don't like their version of it. There's absolutely no room for discussion or disagreement or questions or anything. You just feed it's own words back to it, in the correct order. NEVER learn theology or Bible study from a computer. Never T_T

Dad did say a few months ago that talking and debating online was enough. Not anymore. Reduced net time until I catch up on my school. Which I can't do because my laptop still doesn't work.

I like being homeschooled, but sometimes I think it would be easier to just go to a normal school. At least they wouldn't change their minds as often.

This is a bit of an awkward post, really. I always thought that Brandon was my only reader, and that only because I harrassed him each time till he told me what he thought. And now I've been told that I'm wrong and at least one other person (who I look up to and respect very much) is an at least semi-regular reader, and maybe quite a few other people as well. So now I've gone all shy. Which is, of course, utterly ridiculous, because I wanted these people to read my blog and have kind of hoped they would. That's kind of the point in a blog. So yeah. Hi :)

Now this is almost as bad as my video lol.

Anyway. I don't remember what I last posted, because I'm not actually writing this on blogspot, I'm writing it on the notepad of my computer to fill in time while I wait for Dad to bring the internet home from his visit with Mum. So I'll assume I've said nothing about home life since Samara was born and edit out any reduntant information later.

We have a house now, not exactly in Brisbane but not far away either. We're still in the process of unpacking and sorting, so the house is in a bit of a shambles right now. MUm was re-admitted to hospital with some kind of complication, I forget what, but she's been discharged now and is staying st Ronald McDonald House again. Samara has been diagnosed with Down Syndrome, but we're looking into diets and treatments to help her deal with the symptoms and so far it looks like she won't be affected very badly. The hospital are talking about starting Parent Craft (whatever that is o_O) at the end of next week, which means unless she starts regressing she'll be home within a fortnight and we'll finally be able to hold her! The hospital has a policy that only parents and grandparents are allowed to hold the Special Care babies. Very annoying, especially when you consider that I'm old enough to be her mother and have more experience than most of the mothers in there. But, that's the policy. One month, nine days and I've never held her and only touched her when the nurses aren't looking.

In the meantime, we've all been keeping busy with not enough unpacking and too much internet (if there is such a thing :P), and the occasional fight. We might get to go to the opening of the new Koorong bookstore tomorrow and I can't wait! Koorong is the largest Australian Christian bookstore chain, and I love it there. Cheapest books around and a lot of decent music too. Even better, I'll get to go shopping while we're there as a late birthday present! AND Koorong is selling tickets for the Casting Crowns concert in Brisbane this January. I hope I can go.Haven't been to a concert in years.

I think that's Dad's car in the drive, so I'm out.

Love y'all ^_^

Yup. That's what I said.

True love is being willing to die to yourself everyday for the good of the one you love. So that means giving up things that will make the other stumble, giving up your own dreams and aspirations to help the other. Possibly even literally giving up your life for them. That's what love is. Somehow though, it's gain. You don't love someone to gain from them, selfish love is no love at all, and yet in the process of giving yourself away, you find happiness.

I guess maybe that's why divorce rates are so high. Nobody wants to die, not even figuratively. No-one wants to lose their goals and dreams for the sake of another. And too few people can see that even while giving themselves up, if both partners show love like this, both people find themselves. True love is rare indeed, but if you find it, hold it closer than life itself. Because that's what love is.

As Yeshua said, anyone who gives their life away for His sake will find it. I believe that's true, no matter that it sounds so backwards. Love is a G-d thing, so we have to play by His rules. It seems hard at first, but the more you die, the more you live. Life, love and happiness all come through death. And remember that He is our first love and our example. Love as Yeshua loves and you won't go far wrong.

A few months ago, my brother asked me why it was that Christians tend to focus on Yeshua's death instead of His life, when they are equally important. I've sorta been chewing on that for all that time, and this morning I finally came up with a few reasons. It could just be that it's easier for some people. It's easier to think that we don't have to follow His example or obey His teaching. That hard teaching. It could be that we don't understand His words, and it's easier to skip to what we can understand. Or, as in my case, it can be that His death gives us hope. I see Yeshua's life, I read His words...and I am condemned. His life says that I should be holy as He is holy. And I can't. I cannot live up to Him. But He says I must. He says that unless my righteousness is greater than that of the teachers and the Pharisees, I'm stuffed. That's kind of a scary thought, and I don't like it, but that's the facts. Worse, His life says that it is possible to keep the Law perfectly and means that we really do have no excuse. No calling foul because G-d stacked the odds against us. Yeshua's life makes me accountable for my own sin, and that's not pleasant. But in His death...He paid for my failures. He says to me, "I choose you, I love you. I forgive you. Even though you have betrayed me and hurt me and turned away, I still love and forgive you. You are Mine." His sacrifice gives me the hope and courage to get up and try again, it is in His death that I find the strength to even think about trying to obey His teaching and follow His life. After all, why would I try to be something I cannot be, to do what I cannot do, with no hope? In His death, and more importantly in His resurrection, I am made free. It's ok that I will fail, as long as I give my best. I am not holy in myself, but by His sacrifice I am made holy. His blood covers my failures, so I am free to follow Him and do what little I can, not because it will save me, but to bring a smile to Him. Because I love Him back.

Man, it's been ages. Mmk. Samara Eliana was born the 23rd September, weighing 1.5 kilos (3.3lbs) at 31 weeks. She is an amazing little girl, not quite two weeks old yet and already strong and healthy enough to be transferred to a smaller hospital. That picture's not very good, but it's the only one I can make work. We have a house now, so around the 23rd of October we will be officially Brisbaneites. Unfortunately, that's going to mean delayed birthday celebrations for me because between bond payments and advance rent, we're going to be utterly broke. So my 17th is going to be a tiny bit lame. Hey, that's life. ^_^

In other news, I have become one of the feared and dreaded ADEKKTED! I'm still waiting for Red though :(
Yeah.. That's basically all my news.